


In Times That I Doubted Myself

by NowOrNever_phantom



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowOrNever_phantom/pseuds/NowOrNever_phantom
Summary: It all started when Julie’s mom died. Julie felt something slip away inside of her that night. It was bad enough that she had been told her mom wasn’t going to make it, but to have to actually watch her die? It was too much for Julie to handle.Julie goes through depression after the loss of her mom, and it's a while before anybody realizes. Then three ghosts come into her life, and things start to get better. But what happens when they find out how Julie has been coping with her depression?
Relationships: Carlos Molina & Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina & Rose, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prompt was given to me by Kaya_mckay, and I decided to just roll with it and see where it goes. I'm not really sure how to write about someone going through depression, so I hope I did okay. Just a trigger warning, there is self harm in this story.

It all started when Julie’s mom died. Julie felt something slip away inside of her that night. It was bad enough that she had been told her mom wasn’t going to make it, but to have to actually watch her die? It was too much for Julie to handle.

She slipped into a dreamlike state, not feeling, or really being there in the present. It wasn’t until the next day at school that every emotion came crashing down on her. 

Flynn had noticed that something was off with Julie, so she pulled her aside at lunch. 

“Juie? Are you okay? You seem really out of it today.” Julie looked up and met Flynns gaze. Her eyes were dark and lifeless, and any trace of a smile missing, having left the night before. Julie just nodded. 

“Jules, you’re scaring me,” said Flynn shakily as her heart sank. She hoped she was wrong about the reason Julie wasn’t herself. She grabbed Julie’s hand in her own. “Please talk to me,” whispered Flynn. Julie dropped her gaze, but didn’t speak. Flynn rubbed her thumb across Julie’s hand. “I’m here for you.” After a long pause, Julie finally spoke.

“She’s gone,” she whispered. 

_ The machines began to beep erratically, and Julie could see the fight leaving her mom. The doctors rushed into the room, yelling that something was wrong. Julie squeezed her mom's hand, fighting back tears.  _

_ “It’s okay mom, you’ll be okay, you’re okay,” rambled Julie. Her mom held onto Julie with every ounce of strength that she had.  _

_ Her dad came rushing in, and his face crumpled when he saw what was happening. He went and put his hands on Julie’s shoulders, trying to get her to stand up. Julie shook her head, refusing to leave.  _

_ “Ray…” mumbled Rose. Ray sat down beside her and stroked her hair. “I’m here.”  _

_ Rose squeezed her daughter's hand one more time. “Mija, please leave. I don’t want you to see this,” she said weakly. Julie shook her head again, tears streaming freely down her face.  _

_ “I need you to be strong when I’m gone.” Julie nodded, fighting the urge to throw herself into her mother’s arms. “I love you Julie,” she said before her hand went limp and her last breath left her.  _

_ A sob escaped Ray as he buried his face in his arms.  _

_ Julie’s vision blurred as her eyes pooled with tears. “No, mom, please…” Julie whispered desperately. She began to yell for her mom in between sobs, begging for her to come back.  _

_ Ray looked up at Julie, and held out his arms to her. But Julie couldn’t breathe, and she had to get out of that room.  _

_ She threw open the door and ran down the hallway, tears blurring her vision. She ran all the way out the door and didn’t stop until she was alone outside.  _

_ Her breaths came out in ragged gasps as she sank to the ground. Her mom couldn’t be gone, she just couldn’t. She would wake up soon from this horrible twisted dream, and her mom would be alive and healthy.  _

_ Behind her, a door clicked open. Julie didn’t look up when her dad kneeled down and wrapped her into a tight hug. Carlos stood off to the side with tear streaks lining his face. Julie wiped away her tears. She had to stay strong for her family. So Julie decided that she was going to suppress all of her emotions in order to stay strong.  _

_ She held out an arm to Carlos and embraced him. They remained in their silent hug in the dark parking lot for a few minutes before someone finally spoke.  _

_ “Dad, what are we going to do?” asked Carlos quietly.  _

_ “We’ll get through this together mijo,” whispered Ray back to Carlos. “We’ll get through this together.” _

“She’s gone,” whispered Julie again, her voice breaking, a sob escaping her. It wasn’t a dream. Her mom really was gone. Every emotion that she had pushed down the night before came rushing back as she collapsed into Flynn’s arms, sobbing at the loss of her mom. 

Flynn stroked Julie’s hair. “I’m so sorry Julie,” she whispered. 

Julie held onto Flynn tightly, grateful for the safety of her best friend’s arms. 

When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, Flynn didn’t move. Her friend was a million times more important than school. 

Julie’s sobs started turning into soft crying, and eventually there were no tears left to be cried. Julie sniffled quietly. “What do I do Flynn?” 

Flynn rubbed Julie’s shoulder. “You’re going to get through this. You’re Julie Molina, and you can do anything because you’re brave and you’re strong.”

Julie didn’t respond, but Flynn knew Julie appreciated her words. “And I’m going to be here with you every step of the way.” Julie sniffled again but could feel the faint smile that Julie gave her. “Let’s get you home, okay?” 

Julie nodded. Flynn gently pulled back from their embrace. She grabbed Julie’s hand and stood her up. Then she pulled Julie back into a tight hug and walked her home.

“Will you be okay on your own or do you want me to stay?” asked Flynn when they got to Julie’s house.

“I’ll be fine,” said Julie hoarsely. Flynn smiled sadly at Julie. “Okay. Text me anytime, alright?” Julie nodded, unable to find her voice. Flynn waved as she left Julie at her doorstep.

Julie gathered herself and opened the door. She tried to be quiet as she put her bag down, but didn’t expect to see her dad in the kitchen.

“Mija?” he asked, hurriedly wiping away tears from his face. He’s been crying. “Why are you home so early? Is everything okay?” Julie looked down at the ground and didn’t respond. 

Ray walked over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay, I’m not mad that you’re home. I know…” Ray took a deep breath. “I know that it’s hard. You can stay home for a few days if you need to.” Julie nodded. 

Ray rubbed her shoulder one last time before letting her go. “Um, I’ll be in my room,” said Julie quietly. “Okay mija,” said Ray with a sad smile. “I’ll be down here if you need me.” Julie nodded again before making her way upstairs.

She went into her room and closed the door. She grabbed some sweatpants from her drawer, and unconsciously reached out for one of her mom’s shirts. Her mom had given her some of her old shirts that she had collected as a teenager, and Julie cherished them. 

Julie pulled her hand back as if she had been burned. It was too soon. She reached for a different shirt, then closed her drawer, hiding her mom’s shirt from her view. 

She got changed, and crawled into bed, pulling her knees to her chest. She had expected to have another emotional breakdown, but she wasn’t. There were no tears, no noting. Julie didn’t even feel sad. She just felt… empty. 

Julie didn’t go down to dinner that night. She just stayed in her room, not feeling, not thinking, just being. 

Ray went up later to check on Julie and bring her food. He found her curled up in bed, asleep. He knew Rose’s death was going to be hard on all of them, but Rose and Julie had been extremely close to each other, and Julie was really struggling to cope with the loss of her mom. 

He just hoped that his daughter was still in there somewhere, and that she just needed some time. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters to come soon, there should be another one up by tomorrow, or later today, not sure yet. But let me know what you think so far! And if anyone has any other prompts or anything they want me to give a try in the JATP universe, let me know! I'm open for just about anything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for self harm and panic attacks

The next day, Julie woke up to a quiet house. Her dad was at work, and Carlos was at school. She squinted at the sunlight coming in through her open window. She stood up and closed the window, plunging her room into darkness.

Julie’s room had always been filled with light, but now she just wanted her room to be dark and quiet. 

_ Like me, _ echoed a small voice inside her head. 

Julie went and grabbed her phone off of her side table and turned it on. She had a missed call and a few unread texts, all from Flynn. But Julie didn’t bother looking at them before she turned her phone back off and set it down. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone. 

Julie sat in the darkness, letting all thoughts slip away. She still wasn’t feeling any emotion, and she didn’t know why. Everything was just numb. Then Julie heard a noise come from outside, and it made her jump. 

She accidentally knocked a picture frame off of her dresser, and she heard the glass shatter. It was too dark to see anything, so Julie grabbed her phone and turned on the flashlight. She bent down to pick up some of the broken glass, but accidentally cut her finger. 

She hissed in pain as blood beaded up on her skin. She was about to get up to put a bandaid on it, but she paused in confusion. She didn’t feel numb anymore. She felt pain, and it wasn’t pleasant, but it she felt something.

Julie took a shaky breath and shook her head. She wasn’t sure exactly what just happened, but her urge to cut herself again in order to feel something scared her. She didn’t want to hurt herself. 

Julie carefully cleaned up the rest of the glass, then put a bandaid on her finger. 

After the adrenaline wore off a minute later, Julie was back to being numb. She curled up in bed again and sat there until her dad and Carlos came home. 

Ray knocked on Julie’s door. “Mija?” 

“Come in,” said Julie softly. Ray opened the door and walked in. “How are you?” Julie just shrugged. Ray gave Julie a sad smile and sat down across from her on her bed. 

“You know that you can talk to me anytime, right?” Julie nodded. “Yeah, I know Dad.” Ray gave Julie another smile.

“Do you want to come down and have dinner with us? Tia will be joining us tonight.” Julie hesitated. She did want to try and get back on track, but is still felt too soon. Plus, if Tia was going to be there, she would fuss over Julie if she found out how Julie had spent her day. 

“No, I’m not hungry,” Julie replied. The small smile left Rays face and was replaced with a concerned expression. “Okay. I’ll bring some food up for you later in case you change your mind.” Julie nodded. 

After a moment of silence, Ray knew that Julie just wanted to be left alone. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me, okay?” Julie nodded again in thanks, still unable to find her voice. 

Ray leaned over and pulled Julie into a hug, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you mija.” But Julie didn’t respond. Ray slowly pulled back, then stood up and left Julie to herself. 

As he closed the door, he let out a sigh. His daughter was slipping away, retreating in on herself, and he had no idea what to do. 

\-----------------

The next few days went fast for Julie. She stayed at home, and spent most of her time either sleeping or just sitting in the dark. She didn’t join her family for meals, and didn’t interact with anyone except when Ray came in to check on her every day. She didn’t even talk to Flynn, who she kept getting calls and texts from. 

It wasn’t until the fifth day after everything fell apart in Julie’s life that Julie finally did something different. She woke up that morning and decided that it was time to go back to school. 

She didn’t spend much time on her outfit, which wasn’t normal for Julie. Normally she would make an elaborate outfit for every day, spending a lot of time making sure that it looked perfect and popped with color. Today, Julie just grabbed a colorless baggy t-shirt and plain jeans. She didn’t feel like her life had any color in it, so there was no point in wearing something exciting. 

She went downstairs, and met her dad and Carlos at the kitchen table. Ray looked surprised. “Julie! Is everything okay?” Julie took a deep breath. “Yeah, everything’s okay,” she lied. Nothing was okay, but it was time to toughen up for her family. “I just decided that I’m ready to go back to school.” 

Ray’s face lit up. “That’s good!” Julie gave him a small smile. “Would you like some breakfast?” asked her dad. Julie hesitated. She really didn’t have much of an appetite, but she knew here dad would worry if she didn’t start eating normally soon. 

“I’ll just have a granola bar on the way to school.” Ray nodded, happy to see that his daughter was doing better. 

Julie grabbed a granola bar, then went and gave her dad a hug. “Love you dad.” Ray smiled and hugged Julie back. Then Julie went over to Carlos and ruffled his hair. “Hey!” said Carlos.

“You like it and you know it!” called Julie over her shoulder as she opened her front door and stepped out. 

When the door closed, Julie let out a sigh. It was hard maintaining her mask of happiness for her family, and she’d only done it for five minutes. Julie heard Flynn coming, and Julie’s mask was back on. 

She knew she could trust Flynn, but she wasn’t ready to show Flynn how bad she was. 

“Hey Julie,” said Flynn carefully as she came up to Julie. “Hey Flynn,” said Julie. “How are you holding up?” asked Flynn. Julie put on a fake smile, hoping Flynn wouldn’t be able to see through it. 

“I’m doing okay.” Flynn smiled sadly and pulled Julie into a tight hug. Julie rested her head on Flynn’s shoulder, not realizing how badly she had needed this hug. After a moment, Julie finally pulled back.

“Okay, let’s go.” Flynn frowned. “You sure you’re up for this?” Julie gave another fake smile. “Yeah.” Flynn eyed her for a second before smiling, satisfied with Julie’s answer. She wrapped her arm around Julie, and they walked to school together. 

When they got to school, they went to their lockers, said their goodbyes, and went to their classes. Julie and Flynn didn’t have any classes except dance and music together, which made all of their other classes boring. 

Julie went to math class first. She wanted to participate in class like normal, she really did, but she struggled to focus. And it didn’t help when her teacher came over to give her condolences. Her dad must have called the school to explain why Julie hadn’t shown up in days. That meant that all of her teachers knew about her mom. 

Julie got through her first three classes, the same thing happening each time. She would try to pay attention in class, but her mind would wander. Then she would be harshly snapped back to reality when her teacher came over and would tell her they were sorry for her loss. 

Julie knew that they were just trying to be nice, but every time someone mentioned it, it chipped away at her heart. 

Julie was relieved when she could finally go to dance class with Flynn. They went to the locker room to get changed, then went into the dance room and started warming up. 

“So you’re sure you’re okay?” asked Flynn. Julie didn’t respond, instead glaring at Flynn. 

“I’m serious Jules. I’m worried about you.” Julie sighed. “Yeah, I know. I’m fine though. Honestly.” 

Flynn frowned, seeing right through Julie’s lie, but she didn’t push. Flynn was about to say something else, but she didn’t get a chance before their dance teacher came in and started talking.

Flynn and Julie didn’t talk for the rest of class, but when they got to lunch, Flynn caught Julie up on what she missed for the past few days. Julie tried to listen, but her thoughts wandered again. So she just nodded periodically. 

“-and that’s pretty much everything that happened this week. Crazy huh?” 

Julie snapped out of her daydream, and nodded. “Yeah, crazy.” 

The bell rang, saving Julie from having to pretend to listen to her friend anymore. She felt bad, and didn’t like doing that to Flynn. “Well, guess we better get to class, I’ll see you in music!” 

Julie nodded and gathered up her things. She walked through the hallways to her next class, but bumped into someone and dropped her textbooks that she was carrying. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-” started Julie, but she stopped when she saw who she bumped into. It was Carrie. 

Carrie had started becoming more and more distant from Julie and Flynn lately. Ever since she discovered that she enjoyed the spotlight, she had started spending more time on her music then on her friends. Flynn and Julie had gotten into multiple fights with Carrie when Carrie would spontaneously cancel their plans in order to work on her music. 

This had pushed them apart, and now Carrie was relentlessly mean to Julie and Flynn, as if it was their fault their friendship was broken. 

“Oh, you’re back? You should have just stayed home, school was so much better without you,” said Carrie at Julie, tilting her head and giving an annoying giggle. Julie tried to quickly gather up her books before Carrie could keep talking to her, but Carrie continued. 

“What were you doing anyway? Nobody just stays home for four days unannounced, especially if you weren’t even sick,” said Carrie. Julie’s heart clenched. The last thing she wanted to do was tell Carrie why she was home. So she kept silent, willing the tears to stay out of her eyes.

Carrie’s expression changed as Julie stood up. Carrie saw that Julie was on the verge of tears, and Carrie felt bad for what she just said. Something must have happened. But Carrie couldn’t let Julie know she felt bad, so she shook her head slightly. 

Julie pushed past Carrie, but bumped into someone else. This time it was Nick. 

“Oh, sorry Julie,” said Nick. “No, it’s fine.” Nick frowned when he saw Julie’s expression. He looked over Julie’s shoulder and saw Carrie. “Are you okay? Did Carrie do something?” Julie shook her head. “No, she’s just being Carrie.”

Nick laughed at Julie’s joke, and Julie gave Nick a small smile. “Okay, well I have to get to class, but I’ll see you in music class!” said Nick. Julie smiled warmly at Nick. “Yeah see you!” 

As Julie walked to class, her heart felt a little less empty, but it did feel fluttery. But she shook it off. Nick was just being nice, that was all. 

Julie got through her three classes before music class, waiting for them to be over. She wanted to be with Flynn right now, but since she couldn’t, she tapped her pencil impatiently. 

When the bell rang, she went to the music room, finding Flynn already waiting for her. “You ready?” asked Flynn excitedly. Julie tilted her head in confusion. “For what?” 

“We’re doing performances today, remember?” Julie’s heart sank. She had forgotten about her performance for today. She hadn’t gotten any practice in, and she’s only ever played her song once. 

Flynn noticed Julie’s expression change. “Oh, I think that Mrs. Harrison would be okay if you can’t perform today, I think she would understand,” said Flynn hurriedly. 

Julie shook her head. “No, I should do it. I need to get back on track.” Flynn smiled at Julie. 

The bell rang, and they took their seats next to each other. Nick ran in right as the bell finished ringing, and flashed a smile at Julie before he took his seat next to Carrie. Julie smiled back at Nick. Luckily, Flynn didn’t notice. She would never leave Julie alone if she knew that Julie was developing feelings for Nick. 

“Okay class, we have a few performances today, then that will be the end of our performances for the semester. We’ll start a new project next semester. Up first, we have Flynn!” said Mrs. Harrison. 

Flynn jumped up with her trumpet, and went to the center of the room. She started playing a song that Julie didn’t recognize, but she did know that Flynn was nailing it. When Flynn finished, she applauded for her friend. Flynn smiled and bowed, earning her a few laughs.

“Okay, next up is Julie.” Julie drew in a deep breath and stood up. “You can wait if you want, I know you’re going through a hard time right now.” Julie shook her head. “No, it’s fine.” Mrs. Harrison smiled. 

Julie sat down behind the piano, and lifted the cover. She took another deep breath, and set her hands on the keys. She played a key, and a memory of her and her mom playing together flashed to the front of her mind. 

Julie took a shuddering breath and pulled her hands away from the piano. She could feel her eyes stinging as she stood up and ran out of the classroom. She ran all the way to the bathroom before she let her tears fall. Sobs racked her body as she sank to the floor. 

A minute later, Flynn came running in. She wrapped an arm around Julie and held her tight. “Shh, it’s okay Julie.” 

But nothing was okay. Julie was trembling and couldn’t breathe. Flynn realized something was wrong, more than Julie just being upset. But she didn’t know what to do. She pulled back from Julie, and rubbed her back. 

“Julie, take a deep breath.” Julie listened to Flynn, and took a deep shuddering breath. Flynn saw that this was working. “Okay keep going. Deep breaths.” Julie took more deep breaths until she was able to breathe normally again. 

“Hey,” said Flynn softly when Julie looked up. “Flynn, I can’t play music. I saw my mom when I tried to play.” Flynn just nodded. Now wasn’t the time to argue with her friend, but she would have to tell Julie that she was too talented to give up her gift at another time. 

“It’s so unfair,” whispered Julie, her eyes pooling with tears again. Flynn hugged Julie tight and stroked her hair. “I know, it isn’t fair. But you’re going to get through this. I promise.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's the story so far? I'm getting closer to tying it to the events in season one, so stay tuned for that.


	3. Chapter 3

After Julie came home early for the second time, Ray knew he had to do something. So, he got Julie a therapist. Ray planned on telling Julie at dinner, but she didn’t come down. So Ray waited until the next morning.

Julie heard a knock on her door.

“Mija? Can we talk?” Julie frowned. Whenever her dad said that, it usually meant bad news. It’s what he said when they found out her mom was sick, and it’s also what he said when he told Julie her mom wasn’t going to make it, according to the doctors. 

“Uh, yeah, come in,” said Julie softly. Ray opened the door and walked across the room to Julie. He sat down on her bed across from her. 

“How are you doing?” Julie put on a fake smile. “I’m doing fine dad.” 

But Ray saw right through it. “Mija, I know you’re not as well as you say you are.” 

Julie’s smile faltered, but she didn’t speak. 

“And I want you to know that it’s okay to be sad.”

Julie’s smile completely disappeared as she dropped her gaze and her bottom lip started trembling. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, her voice wobbling. 

Ray sighed. “I know you don’t, and I know it’s hard, but talking will help, I promise. That’s why I got you a therapist.” Julie didn’t respond to this, but a few tears fell onto her bed. 

Ray leaned over and wrapped Julie in his arms. “I know. I know it’s hard. I miss her too. But she would want us to heal,” said Ray, his voice filling with more emotion than he wanted it to. 

Julie sniffled and wiped away a few of her tears as she pulled back from her dad’s embrace. “You’re right, she would want us to heal.” 

Ray gave Julie an encouraging smile. “That’s my girl.” He stood up and walked over to the door. “Your first appointment is tomorrow at 12. Her name is Dr. Turner.” 

Julie nodded in thanks, and her dad closed the door, leaving Julie to herself once more. 

Julie waited nervously for her first appointment for the next day and a half. She didn’t know what to expect, but she knew that she didn’t want to talk to someone. But her dad was right, it probably would help, and it was a step in the right direction, so she was going to do it anyway. 

When the time finally came to go, Ray came and got Julie from her bedroom. They walked out to the car together, and sat in silence the whole way.

When they got there, Ray didn’t get out of the car. “Aren’t you coming?” asked Julie. “No, I’m going to stay here. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” added Ray upon seeing the nervous expression on Julie’s face. Julie took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Love you Papi.” 

Ray smiled as Julie turned and walked inside. He was so proud of her for being so brave and strong, even though it was so unfair that she had to grow up so fast and leave behind being a kid. 

Julie entered the big office building and walked up to the big desk in the middle of the lobby. The woman sitting there looked up and smiled at Julie sweetly. “Hi hun, how can I help you?”

“Um, I’m here to see Dr. Turner? My name’s Julie.” The woman smiled again and typed something on her computer. “Okay Julie, floor 2, room number 112. Would you like me to take you or will you be fine on your own?” 

Julie smiled in appreciation. “I’ll be fine, but thank you.” The woman nodded, and Julie made her way over to the elevator. She rode up to floor two, her anxious thoughts swirling around in her head as she opened the door to room 112. 

Inside was a woman sitting at a desk typing something on a laptop. Her appearance instantly set Julie at ease. She was an older lady with a sweet smile, reminding Julie of her grandmother. “Hi there, are you Julie?”

Julie nodded as she closed the door behind her and stood awkwardly in the center of the room. “I’m Dr. Turner, it’s nice to meet you,” said Dr. Turner, shaking Julie’s hand. “You can take a seat anywhere, or you can stand, whatever is comfortable for you.”

Julie nodded and chose a comfortable looking chair to sit on. Dr. Turner sat down across from Julie on another chair. “So, tell me a little about yourself Julie.”

“Um…” started Julie, unsure of where to start. Dr. Turner could see that Julie was struggling, so she tried a different approach. “What are some things you enjoy doing?” 

Julie perked up a little bit. “I actually really enjoy making music, especially with my mom-” Julie’s voice cut off as she remembered. She dropped her gaze to the floor and tried to keep the tears out of her eyes. 

“It’s alright to be sad,” said Dr. Turner softly. Julie nodded and wiped away a few tears that escaped. “Would you like to talk about your mom?” Julie wanted to say no, she wanted to run out of the room and escape all of this, but she forced herself to nod her head yes. 

“What was she like?” 

Julie took a shaky breath as she remembered her mom. 

_ Julie and her mom were sitting at the piano together. Julie was 14 years old. Her mom played a few notes on the piano, and Julie started singing the song her and her mom were working on.  _

_ “Whatever happens even if I’m the last standing, I’ma stand tall,” _

_ Her mom joined in with Julie, their voices wrapping around each other creating a beautiful harmony.  _

_ “I’ma stand tall!” _

_ Ray was standing off to the side, watching his two beautiful girls sing their hearts out. Carlos was sitting nearby, occasionally joining in and singing, but failing since his two front teeth were missing, sending them all into fits of giggles.  _

_ When they got to the end of the part they had written, they stopped for a second.  _

_ “Oh mija, you have the voice of an angel,” said her mom. Julie smiled and leaned her head on her mom’s shoulder. Her mom put her head on top of Julie’s, stroking her hair.  _

_ They sat there for a moment before Carlos came over and hugged them both from the back. “Hey! Don’t leave me out!” They started laughing again as they brought Carlos into their hug, then Ray.  _

_ They were happy. Everything in life was perfect.  _

Julie didn’t notice that tears were running down her face as she recalled that happy memory of her mom until Dr. Turner handed her a box of tissues. “Thank you,” said Julie gratefully. Then Julie continued with another memory. 

_ Six year old Julie had gotten into a fight with Flynn, and now she was crying in her room, thinking she had lost Flynn as her friend forever.  _

_ Julie’s mom came into the room and sat across from Julie. “What’s wrong mija?” asked her mom, rubbing circles on Julie’s back.  _

_ “Flynn and I got into a fight,” hiccuped Julie.  _

_ “Oh Julie, what happened?”  _

_ “I accidentally broke one of Flynn’s barbies, and now she won’t talk to me.”  _

_ Rose smiled. She remembered when she was a kid and she had little fights like this with her friends.  _

_ “Well, why don’t you invite Flynn over here, and tell her that you and her can play with your barbies?”  _

_ Julie’s face brightened. “You think that would work?” _

_ Rose laughed softly. “Of course I do. Flynn loves you too much to let anything happen to you.” _

_ Julie tackled her mom into a hug. “You’re the best mom.” _

_ Rose smiled and hugged Julie back. _

Julie sniffled as she finished talking about her happiest memories. “I just really miss her. We were so close.” 

Dr. Turner smiled sadly. “It’s alright to miss someone. You’re making good progress already. You’re healing yourself and keeping your mom’s memory alive.”

“I am?” asked Julie softly

Dr. Turner smiled warmly at Julie. “You are. She would be proud of you, I’m sure.” 

“Thank you,” said Julie. 

Dr. Turner nodded, then looked over at the clock on her wall. “Well, our session is over for today, but you did really well. Would you like to come back in a few days?”

Julie didn’t hesitate this time. “Yes, I would.”

Julie thanked Dr. Turner again, then said goodbye and made her way back down to the lobby. 

On her way down the elevator, Julie teared up a little bit as all of her happy memories rushed back to her. 

When she reached the ground floor and stepped out, she saw her dad’s car pull up to the building. She wiped away her tears, not wanting her dad to see. 

“You okay hun?” asked the lady behind the desk. Julie smiled in appreciation. “Yeah. Thank you.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did okay with writing about a therapist, I've never attempted writing about this topic, so I'm hoping I'm doing alright. New chapter coming later today! (hopefully, if I stay on schedule. If not, it'll be out tomorrow)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! This one's a bit of a short one, but the next one should be longer. Tw for self harm and panic attacks

Julie’s therapy sessions were going well. She was able to talk about her mom more freely each time, and she was having less emotional breakdowns. Her life was getting back on track. 

Then the funeral happened. 

Julie had tried to remain as emotionless as possible while her dad, Carlos, and herself all stood by her mother’s casket. But when they had opened the casket, Julie couldn’t help but cry out. 

Her mom looked so lifeless, so… fake. It made her want to throw up. 

Julie wanted to stay and say goodbye to her mom, but she couldn’t. 

She tore herself out of her dad’s hug and ran, sobbing the entire time. She ran out of the park, down the block, anywhere but there. 

When she was finally out of breath, she leaned against a wall and cried. She cried and cried. It wasn’t fair that her mom was gone. Her mom was so young. She had so much she wanted to do in her life, but it was viciously ripped away from her. 

Behind Julie, Flynn approached her. Flynn had been at the funeral, for Julie, and because she was close with Julie’s mom. She didn’t say anything, instead just rubbing circles on her back. 

When Julie got a hold of her emotions, Flynn hugged her close and walked her home. She left Julie at her front door alone at Julie’s request. Julie went into her room and cried some more into her arms. 

She needed an escape from all of this, it was too much to handle. 

Then Julie remembered back to a few weeks ago, when she accidentally cut herself on a piece of glass.

_ No, I can’t do that, _ she thought to herself. But another voice in her head was telling her that she should. That it would be okay, that it would help. That voice got louder and louder until it overtook the smaller voice, and Julie was getting up in search of something sharp. 

She found a stray piece of glass, and gently picked it up in her hand. She took a shaky breath and put the glass against her arm. 

She knew if she hesitated, she would change her mind, so she quickly pulled it across her skin, hissing in pain as blood welled up on her arm. 

In that moment, her grief for her mom slipped away. It was enough of a distraction to pull her out of her emotions and into the real world. But only for a moment. 

As soon as the feeling left her, she looked down at her arm in horror. 

She felt sick as she realized what she had just done. She had purposely hurt herself in order to escape. She tried to shake the guilty feeling as she stood up and walked to the bathroom. 

Julie steadied her shaking hands as she reached for a bandaid to put on her arm. 

When Julie finally calmed down, she went and sat on her bed again. 

She knew she had made a mistake, but she also knew it was too late, and the damage had been done. 

From there on out, Julie wore long sleeves all the time, never showing her arms in front of anybody, in fear of them seeing her scars, which grew in numbers. 

Anytime Julie couldn’t deal with her emotions, she found herself turning to hurting herself. It was an escape. It was a way to let everything melt away for just a moment. She always felt guilty after, but she didn’t know how else to cope. 

Julie never told anybody about it, in fear of what they would say and think of her. Not even her dad or Flynn knew. 

Julie’s life was falling apart, and she didn’t know what to do. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update in one day! Now we're getting into season one. This is mostly going to be what happened during the show, with what Julie was thinking and what was happening in between scenes sprinkled in.

_2020_

  
  


“Hey underachiever.”

“Hey disappointment.” 

“Okay, I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you figured out what you’re going to do today?” asked Flynn

Julie sighed. “I’ll know in the moment.” 

Flynn frowned. “Really Jules? That’s all you’re giving me? Mrs. Harrison said this is your last chance.” 

“I know, I was there.” In all honesty, Julie wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She hadn’t been able to play the piano or sing since that first time she had tried and she had ended up having a panic attack. 

It brought back too many painful memories.

Behind them, Carrie started handing out papers. 

“Ugh, what is she handing out?” asked Flynn, scrunching up her nose. 

“Desperation?” joked Julie. Even though she was still struggling with her emotions, she was able to return to a little bit of her normal self, cracking jokes with Flynn. 

Carrie walked over to Julie and Flynn, and handed them a flyer.

“Here you go! My group’s performing at the spirit rally tomorrow.” Carrie looked Julie up and down. “I’m sure you guys have nothing better to do.” 

Carrie had gotten colder ever since she found out that Julie’s mom died. They had already not liked each other going into the previous year, but now they were on opposite sides of everything and were practically enemies. 

But Flynn had stuck by Julie’s side, never letting Carrie get at Julie. 

“Oh my gosh Carrie, thanks!” 

Carrie giggled and put a hand to her heart. “Oh my gosh Flynn, don’t bother coming!”

Flynn growled and scrunched up her paper. But Julie didn’t notice. She was looking at Nick. 

She and Nick didn’t talk much, but when they did, he was really nice to her. So she may have developed a crush, but Nick was dating Carrie now, so it didn’t matter. 

Flynn caught Julie staring at Nick with a stupid grin on her face. “Nick? Still?” Flynn had figured out that Julie was crushing on Nick a few months ago, and had tried to get her to realize that there were other boys. 

“Nick’s a sweetheart,” said Julie shyly. 

Flynn just shook her head. “You’d actually have to talk to him to know that. And only one of them has to be a demon to make a demon baby.”

Flynn glanced around, then turned to Carrie and yelled, “Demon!” 

Julie and Flynn quickly turned around, trying to hide their giggles. 

“There’s that smile,” said Flynn happily. “Now let’s go prove everybody wrong.” 

Julie sighed. _I sure hope I can prove everybody wrong._

When they got to class, they started their presentations. Julie didn’t really pay attention to them, she just pulled her hat down over her face and looked at her hands. She did glance up when Nick started playing his guitar solo, but quickly looked down again when he was done. 

“Okay, we have one last performance. Julie?”

Julie looked up at Mrs. Harrison, who was giving Julie a reassuring smile. Julie got up and walked over to the piano. 

“Take your time,” said Mrs. Harrison softly. 

Julie sighed heavily, then took a seat at the piano. 

Flynn watched from her seat, hoping that this was it, that her friend was finally healed. 

Julie lifted up the piano cover, and put her fingers on the keys. Then everything came flashing back right like last time. She pulled her hands away and stood up. 

“I’m sorry.”

Then she ran out of the room, trying not to let the tears fall down her face. She heard Flynn running up behind her, but she didn’t stop. 

“Julie!”

Julie turned around, tears in her eyes. 

"Girl, you better get back up here, and show them you can sing!"

"I've tried for myself. I've tried for Mrs. Harrison, I've tried for you, I've tried for Dad, and I've tried for Mom." Julie's voice broke as tears ran down her face. 

"For a whole year, I've ben trying. But I can't do this anymore."

Flynn looked at Julie, tears forming in her own eyes. 

"I can't. I'm done," said Julie quietly. 

Julie ran down the stairs, away from her friend. 

"Julie!" cried Flynn desperately, but Julie was already gone. 

Julie spent the rest of the school day locked in the bathroom, trying to keep her emotions at bay. She ran her hands up and down her scarred arms in anxiety. She had been so close to finally moving on, and now she was practically at square one again. 

But she couldn’t let her dad see this, or else she would be back to talking to Dr. Turner. As much as therapy helped, Julie didn’t want to do it again. So she would have to suppress her emotions once again. 

When she got home, she sat down and did her homework. Her dad walked in a few minutes later. “Oh good, you’re home. I was about to go watch your brother’s game. I’ve had photo shoots all day, didn’t even get a chance to eat.” 

Julie nodded along with her dad’s rambling. She loved him, but sometimes he just talked and talked. 

“But, I got a phone call today.” 

_Here it comes,_ thought Julie.

She took off her glasses and set them down on the table. “Yeah, I figured as much.”

Ray nodded. “Yeah. Well, it was my realtor friend.” 

Julie let out a sigh of relief. She could avoid that conflict for a little longer. 

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, and she says if we are serious about selling the house, then she wants me to take some pictures for the website. Which means… we have to do a lot of cleaning and get rid of some stuff.” 

Julie nodded, not sure where the conversation was going. 

“And maybe you can… tackle Mom’s studio.”

There it was. The blow that made Julie curl in on herself a little bit. 

Ray saw this, and hurriedly tried to reassure Julie. “You’re the expert. You know you’re brother and I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” 

Julie just dropped her gaze. “It’s okay honey, if you’re not ready, I-”

Julie shook her head. This is where she had to pretend that everything was okay. “No. It’s alright. Maybe I’ll try tonight.”

Ray grinned. “Yeah? Awesome mija, thank you.” 

Julie smiled back. 

“Oh, and don’t forget the loft. You know those old instruments that were there when we moved in? They need a new home.” 

Julie nodded. “Mom would like that.” 

“Yeah, she would.”

Ray grabbed his keys then left to go watch Carlos’s game. 

Julie put her homework away, then walked out to her mom’s studio. She opened the doors slowly, and looked inside.

It looked the same as it did the day that they closed the doors a few weeks after her mom had died.

Julie sighed deeply as she walked over to the piano and pulled off the cloth. She ran her hands along the smooth top, remembering how she used to sit there with her mom and make music. 

She looked up towards the ceiling. “I’m so sorry Mom, that I haven’t been here.” 

Julie slowly walked over to the ladder to get to the loft, and climbed it. There were a few different instruments, and some old bags of stuff that didn’t belong to the Molinas. They had never opened the bags, or moved the instruments, just letting them live up in the loft. 

Something caught Julie’s eye. It was a CD, and it said Sunset Curve Demo on the front. Julie picked it up. She didn’t listen to much music anymore, but maybe this CD was her mom’s. 

So Julie climbed back down the ladder and popped the CD into the player. It started playing a rock song, from the sound of it. It must have been her mom’s. Julie and Rose used to listen to rock music all the time together. 

Then the music started sounding weird. It sounded like there was… yelling in the background?

It got louder and louder until Julie had to cover her ears. Then out of nowhere, there was a blinding flash of light and a figure fell onto the ground. Her first thought was that it was her mom, but then Julie saw it was three figures. 

They groaned in pain and stood up. When they turned around, Julie saw that they were three teenaged boys. 

It was too freaky for Julie. She screamed, and then the boys screamed back in fear, running to each other.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of self harm

Julie ran out of the garage, not stopping screaming until she ran into her dad. “Dad!” She ran straight into his arms, and Ray held Julie for a moment. 

“Whoa! Hey, slow down! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” said Ray, slightly concerned that his daughter had just come out of the studio screaming at the top of her lungs. 

“I have!” she exclaimed. 

“Cool!” said Carlos. Julie widened her eyes at Carlos. “Not cool! Run!” Then Julie ran inside, screaming again, and didn’t stop until she was safe in her room. She pulled out her phone and texted Flynn. When Flynn didn’t respond right away, Julie sighed. 

“Come on Flynn! 911 means 911! Why aren’t you answering me?”

Behind Julie, Ray walked in. “Hey.”

Julie turned around with a yell, thinking it was the ghosts she saw in the garage. “Dad,” said Julie, relieved it wasn’t the ghosts. 

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

Ray shook his head. “Honey, of course I do! Mija, I see your mom all the time.”

Julie frowned. “This isn’t like that.”

“I know, it’s different for all of us.”

Julie sighed in frustration. “Dad, you’re not listening to me. I saw something out there.”

Ray held up his hands in defense. “Alright. Okay. Okay, I’m listening. Tell me what you saw. It’s just you and me.”

Julie sighed again. “You sound just like Dr. Turner.”

Ray tilted his head. “Well, maybe seeing Dr. Turner again isn’t such a bad idea.”

Julie panicked. She never wanted to go back to that room. So many happy and sad memories of her mom had been recalled there, and Julie knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional stress. 

“Dad! Can we just drop it?” said Julie quickly. 

Ray held up his hands again. “Alright, dropped. We good?” Ray held up his finger to Julie. “Yeah,” said Julie, wrapping her finger around her dads. 

Once her dad left the room, Julie looked out the window to see if she could spot the ghosts. When she didn’t see them, she grabbed her cross off the wall and walked down to the garage. 

She didn’t particularly want to go back in there, but it was a good distraction from her emotions. She knew as soon as she lost this distraction, her emotions would take over and she wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to relieve the stress by cutting her arm. 

So, she opened the door to the garage and walked in. 

“Are you still here? Whatever you are?”

After a quick scan of the studio, Julie found nothing. “I know I saw something, I’m not crazy.”

Behind Julie, there was a whooshing noise. 

“Well, we’re all a little crazy…”

Julie turned around and screamed. The three teenage boys were back!

“Oh god please stop screaming!” shouted the boy on the left as they all jumped back. 

“Who are you and what are you doing in my mom’s studio?” shouted Julie. 

The boy in the middle made his way over to Julie. “You mom’s studio? This is our-” Julie held out her cross, causing the boy to back up. “-studio! Trust me! Alright, the grand piano is… new, and-” as he slid off the piano his eye caught something in the corner of the room. “My couch!” he cried happily, flopping onto the couch. 

Julie just stood there, scared to do anything else. 

The boy sat up, a confused look crossing his face. “Can you give me just one second?” 

Julie thrust her cross in front of her when he got too close. He threw his hands up and backed away. “Just give me a second, thank you.”

Him and the other two boys huddled up, whispering amongst themselves. 

_ I must have gone crazy,  _ thought Julie to herself. 

When they were done discussing… whatever they had just talked about, one of them approached Julie. Since Julie didn’t know their names, in her head, she started referring to them by their hair color. 

The one that approached Julie was the blonde one, the one that had asked her to stop screaming earlier. 

“Why are you in our studio?” he asked loudly. Both boys behind him rolled their eyes. 

Julie couldn’t take this anymore. She thrust her cross at him, but it went straight through him. It went straight through him!

“Oh my gosh! How did you do that?” 

The blonde shook his head. “Clearly you’re not-” He turned around to address the other boys. “Clearly she doesn’t get it. Okay, look. We’re ghosts, right? We’re just three ghosts, and we’re really happy to be home, so thank you for the flowers,” he pointed at the vase of flowers sitting on the piano, “-they really brighten up the room.”

The other two boys walked over. “We’re actually in a band called Sunset Curve,” said the one with the shaggy brown hair. He actually looked kinda cute-

Julie shook her head, cutting off her train of thought. 

“Tell your friends!” said the raven haired boy on the left. 

“Last night was supposed to be a really big night for us. It was gonna change our lives,” continued the cu- boy. Just a normal boy. Who also happened to be a ghost.

The blonde leaned over. “I’m uh, I’m pretty sure it did.”

Julie shook her head. “This is freaking me out!” It was time to put all of this to rest. Julie pulled out her phone. “What is that? What are you doing?” asked the brunette. 

“It’s my phone,” said Julie flatly. How did he not know what a phone was?

“No! Stop talking to them, they aren’t real, there’s no such thing as cute ghosts!” said Julie to herself. She really was losing it. 

“Oh, think we’re cute?” said the boy on the left with a smirk. Julie didn’t respond, mortified that she said that out loud. 

“Who you callin?” asked the blonde. 

“I’m googling Sunset Swerve,” said Julie. 

“Sunset Curve!” they all said with different degrees of annoyance. 

Julie smiled nervously for a second before correcting her spelling error. She clicked on the first page that came up. It was called Sunset Curve: A Hollywood Tragedy. Julie was surprised at what she found. 

“Whoa, there is a Sunset Curve.”

They all grinned at her. 

“You did die. But not last night. Twenty… five years ago?” 

The raven haired boy shook his head in confusion. “What? No, no th-th-that’s impossible, after we floated out of the ambulance, all we did was go to that weird dark room where Alex cried.”

The boy he pointed to, Alex, cut in, his voice unnaturally high. “Well, I think we were all pretty upset.”

“Okay, but that was just for like an hour. We just showed up here.” said the one on the right. 

Julie let out an exasperated sigh and held out her phone to them. “Look, I’m just telling you what my phone says. See? You died in 1995. When you were 17. It’s now 2020.”

The three boys each reacted differently to hearing this. 

The boy on the right looked dazed, the boy in the middle, Alex, looked like he was about to have a breakdown, and the boy on the right widened his eyes. “So this is the future?”

Julie rolled her eyes. He was clearly unphased about the whole being dead thing. 

“Wait, so… so it has been 25 years?” asked the boy in the middle.

Julie nodded.

“I have been crying for 25 years? How is that possible?” he yelled.

“You’re a very emotional person,” offered the raven haired boy with a shrug. 

The blonde turned on him. “I am not!”

Before they could continue, Carlos came in. “Thought you were afraid to come out here! Talking to your ghost friend? How does he look? Is he hideous?”

Alex turned to the raven haired boy with a smirk. “He can see you.” 

“No, he can’t,” said Julie. 

Carlos looked around, confused. “What?”

Julie silently cursed herself. “Uh, what do you want?”

“A normal sister, for starters. Stop being weird and come eat.” 

Julie rolled her eyes but waited until Carlos was gone before talking to the boys again. 

“He couldn’t see you,” she said.

“Yeah, I mean, that’s… usually how ghosts work,” said Alex, as if Julie should know. 

Julie just shook her head and sighed. On her way to the door, she turned around to address them again. 

“Look, I’m very sorry for what happened to you guys, but this isn’t your studio anymore. You have to leave.”

“Wait! We… we didn’t get your name,” asked the cute boy. 

_ No! Just a boy! He’s not cute! _ Thought Julie. 

“It’s Julie.”

“Cool, I’m Luke…”

Julie held out her cross when he tried to get closer. 

“by-by the way, and this is…”

He pointed at the other boys. 

“Reggie! I’m Reggie, hey,” said the raven haired boy. 

“And…” Luke pointed at the other boy.

“Alex, how’s it going?” he said awkwardly. 

“Ba-da…” said Luke softly. 

“Okay?” asked Julie. 

She left the studio, and sighed heavily. This was all just too much. She just had to get through dinner, then hopefully she would wake up from this crazy dream, and life could go back to normal. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's the story looking so far? Hopefully I can have a new chapter soon, stay tuned for that! I really appreciate the kudos!


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